"Sparing the rod".....Is not always spoiling the child.

 

This weeks home schooling was exceptionally challenging. Keeping the kids on track and focused, especially made me a bit crazy! My seven year old can have what one would call,“selective hearing.” The kind where I have to ask him to do the same thing over, and over, and over and there is no response till you mention something he is interested in like, “candy!” Game-boy!” “Park!”  I can be the same way sometimes, totally zoned out till someone mentions, “Chocolate!” “Massage!”

Well, after a lot of asking, eventually mom gets a bit frazzled and Dad chimes in. “You need to listen and obey your mom or you are going to loose weekend privileges!”

Now, if you know our family, you know about our “weekend privileges.” Weekend privileges is when the Crowder family lets loose! We keep a pretty solid rule that during the school week (Monday thru Friday) we don’t watch movies, play video games or eat sugar. But when Friday evening rolls around, and if all the chores are done, then you are free to “binge!” Our home quickly transforms into a movie watching, video game playing and sugar consuming Festivus! The kids cherish this part of the week like nothing else. In fact, there was a time when my younger children would count time by when the weekend last was and, how many more days till the weekend. When I asked my youngest son what his favorite holiday was, he quickly replied, “the weekend!” It is pretty simple, come Friday night we party hard!

So after my son didn’t obey me for the umpteenth time his weekend, privileges were revoked. In fact, there was so much repetitive ignoring of thy mother that the weekend privileges were taken away without the option of earning them back! That is a big blow for a young Crowder. A BIG BLOW!

When Friday rolled around and the youngest Crowder was excluded from the computer, from his iPod and from candy, he felt it pretty hard. Deeply felt was the consequence of those actions, he was so sad.

As we saw our son, sitting alone reading during the weekend, I thought, “HA! He will never ignore me again!” But I also felt so sad that he was without his favorite activities on such a favorite day of the week. John was firm in his consequence, but also sad at watching our young party animal of a son reading on the couch whilst his siblings watched a movie in the other room.

John took him aside and said, “son, I bet you wish you had been obedient don’t you?” “Yes.” “You know you made these bad choices to not listen to your mom and that is why you have lost your weekend privileges, right?” “Yes.”

Just when I was so pleased with how firm and consistent we had been in our parenting John did something unexpected!

“Son, even though you don’t deserve it, and you can’t earn it back, I am going to give you your weekend privileges back anyway!”

What about “Spare the rod, spoil the child?” I thought.

What about sticking to your guns. Teaching him a lesson?

Then it dawned on me while I observed the whole transaction of forgiveness and the celebration of regaining a lost party privilege. That is what the Lord does with us all the time. He gives us our weekend privileges back every time! Even though we may have a short-lived punishment or consequence, we are always reconciled through His Grace. I sat there, wondering if my son would ever learn to listen and obey after that, or take us seriously, but I knew he was bewildered and overjoyed at his Dad’s mercy, and that was a greater lesson than sticking to the punishment would have ever been. At least this one time for this little boy.

John began to ask a very thankful little boy, “do you think you will want to ignore and disobey your mom anymore?”

 “No, because you have been so nice to me Dad!”

While it is good to stick with a punishment most of the time, and not threaten a consequence that you cannot keep, I love to show mercy to my children when I can.

“So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? I should hope not! If we’ve left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? Or didn’t you realize we packed up and left there for good? That is what happened in baptism. When we went under the water, we left the old country of sin behind; when we came up out of the water, we entered into the new country of grace—a new life in a new land!” ~Romans 6:1-7 Message.

We should want to walk in obedience and integrity because His Grace abounds, because of His kindness and love He has shown us. That is where our relationship with our father should be. That is where we thrive in our hearts, when we are compelled and empowered by His Goodness.

While I will still have to deal out punishment to my children for disobedience (the Bible being pretty clear about that) I really want my children to be compelled to live Godly lives and respect and honor others because they are aware of the Mercy God has shown us on a daily basis.

Punishment is good, and necessary, but Mercy is always better.

run- away-train schedule. Finding a good family pace.

My thoughts on scheduling: On one hand I want those free days to be more numerous than not so we can be creative and explore with all the time in the world and no place to be. On the other hand, It is absolutely necessary to schedule events and lessons into our lives to develop skills and character. Music has to be practiced daily, team practice has to have a schedule. Dad has his work schedule. You have to eventually get everyone to the dentist. There is always something on that calendar. But lately I find I am a slave to our family schedule, always in a hurry to be on time to the next thing. It can feel frantic and the quality of our activities seem to dissipate. Sometimes I fantasize about moving to some rural area of the country to farm and live off the land with my family. But even Hezekiah has to get up at 4 AM to milk the cows.

I am learning to be sensitive to what is important for us as a family lately, trying focus on one thing at a time and not let my mental checklist get the best of me or take me away from the moment. It is good to have some days where you don't have to be anywhere! Take at least one or two of these days a week to let your lives unfold naturally as a family. Those are my favorite days.

Figure what works for your family, don't feel pressured to keep up with all the other families. It seems like now a days kids have to be professional soccer players just to join a local league! There is so much competition and pressure, it is insane! What happened to good ol" fashioned play?

I have found with kids, less can be more. Days focused on quality rather than quantity are really the best and most fulfilling.

I am learning to not feel pressured to have my kids in a million activities. picking one sport and one elective per season seems a good pace for now. I am making sure I have those "open schedule days" at least a couple times a week.



Blog article I found from http://steermerightscc.com:

I’ve been rethinking schedules. I’m getting really tired of them, actually. However, to be balanced I admit that they can be very helpful. I’ve lived it: My homeschool has sometimes hummed along the tracks of a well-planned schedule like the German Regional Express, allowing us to explore the hidden “villages” of science and literature, take field trips, eat a healthful diet, and even clean the house.

A well-planned schedule can take a homeschool through pleasant scenary at a peaceful pace.

On the other hand, a schedule can be a tyrant. All it takes is the desire to help our children reach their potential, with a little self-doubt and guilt thrown in. I’ve lived that, too.

Too busy!

Our culture promotes time management and good organization like a saving religion. The highest virtues, it seems, are over-activity and achievement. Both demand a rigid schedule. In addition, we homeschoolers often hear about the dazzling accomplishments of other homeschooled children. These stories are intended to encourage and inspire, and they certainly can; but taken as a standard, they can sow stress. They have at times compelled me to build ambitious schedules that drained the creativity from our homeschool.
A schedule is supposed to serve the family, not the reverse. When it blinds us to the creativity and freedom of real life, it has become a runaway train, endangering our relationships. We feel its relentless condemnation when we can’t keep up; or, if we do miraculously stay on track, we become smug and difficult to live with. We awake seeing only the schedule, not the day before us with all its opportunities and creative twists and turns.

Let the day unfold as it will. They’re only young once!

If your schedule is creating stress, I suggest hopping off the train for a while. Walk some interesting trails through the landscape of your children’s interests. Allow the days to unfold as they will. The results may be richer than anything you’ll reap from a demanding schedule.

Off the beaten trail – and the schedule!